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Loving Your Kids and Students by Taking Care of Yourself by Dr. Charles Fay

Before we know it, the next school year will be here! Before the frenzy of preparing for the first day, we want to remind parents and educators that they must take good care of themselves. Loving our children and our students requires that we first take care of ourselves in loving, unselfish ways. That’s the First Rule of Love and Logic!

Too frequently, we are led to believe that “good parents” and “good educators” should sacrifice their own needs to serve their children. While this sounds sweet and exactly how good parents and teachers should act, trying to accomplish it depletes our love reserves:

When our bucket is empty, we have nothing to give.

Love and Logic is not about being narcissistic or selfish, it’s about giving kids the gift of patient, encouraging, relaxed, and enthusiastic role models. Listed below are a few quick reminders:

Focus on what you can control.

A sure recipe for disaster involves trying to make kids happy, attempting to make them be good students, trying to make them get enough sleep, ensuring that they pick the right friends, etc. What we do have control over is what we model, they the types of limits we set, and how we respond when these limits are tested.

Set limits to avoid becoming a doormat.

Effective people set limits by describing how they will take care of themselves, not by telling others what they should do. For example:

  • I do the extra things I do around here when I feel respected.
  • I listen to students when their voices sound calm like mine.
  • I __________when I don’t have to hear complaining or arguing.

Provide discipline when it’s convenient for you, not for the kids.

Avoid falling into the trap of trying to solve problems or provide immediate consequences. Take care of yourself by taking time and handling the problem when you have the time, energy, and support you need.

The Two Principles of Love and Logic can guide you toward fulfilling your role as an effective parent or educator. The first rule is that adults must set firm, loving limits using enforceable statements without showing anger, lecturing, or using threats. The second rule is that when a child causes a problem, the adult shows empathy through sadness and sorrow and then lovingly hands the problem and its consequences back to the child.

Our Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy audio is one Love and Logic technique that can help you take care of yourself when kids surprise you with unexpected and challenging situations.

Thanks for reading!

If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.

Dr. Charles Fay

Spirit Week

Monday, June 27th

Wear an American Flag shirt!

Tuesday, June 28th

Wear stars!

Wednesday, June 29th

Wear stripes!

Thursday, June 30th  

Wear sparkly or bright shirt!

Friday, July 1st  

Wear red, white, and blue today!

Monday, July 4th

Little Learners CLOSED

From Love and Logic: Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants

Phil, a recent business school graduate, got his dream job. He did well and was eventually invited to a retreat with the top management of the company. The CEO of the company attended, and Phil had an opportunity to speak with her.

After he introduced himself, he asked her, “I was told that I could ask you a question, and would like to know what it takes to become as successful as you are?”

“Well, success like mine takes a whole series of good decisions,” she responded.

He thought a moment, then asked, “I’m sure that’s true, but what does it take to make those good decisions?”

“It takes wisdom,” she explained, “but the hard part is that it takes a whole lot of bad decisions to get that wisdom. You gain wisdom by learning from your mistakes.”

In 1977, I first started writing about Helicopter Parents. These parents carry the heavy burden of swooping in to rescue their kids from any mistake, disappointment, or struggle. Out of their love for their children, they steal their kids’ opportunities to gain wisdom and resilience.

What I am seeing now is a much worse. This problem has almost reached epidemic proportions with parents trying to create a perfect life for their kids. Little do these parents know that their children won’t be able to maintain that great life if they have not been prepared for it by having to deal with their own little problems early in life.

The authors of Love and Logic meet many parents who are afraid to let their kids make the poor decisions needed to gain wisdom. I hope you are not one of those parents. But if you are, this gentle reminder comes from my heart. Bruised knees and bruised emotions are the building blocks of wisdom and personal strength. Don’t steal that from the kids you love so much.

Our most popular audio is Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants. This audio has been a great help for thousands of parents through years—listen to it for some laughs as well as solutions to help overcome being a Helicopter parent.

Thanks for reading!

If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.

Jim Fay

Little Learners Early Childhood Center, Inc. located in Cedar Creek is independently owned and operated and is not affiliated with any other location.  The following link is a letter with information regarding use of the name Little Learners by another center located on Mur-Len and a situation that occurred at that location on Thursday, May 17, 2012.